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- The more you play with it, the harder it gets. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She choked. The box a penis comes in. Where you put the cucumber. Hey, we laughed. Your job still...
- Why do vegetarians give good head? What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? Your wife will always blow your bonus! Three nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by. Oh, no. Nasty knock-knock jokes: Knock Knock! Fuck you said. Fuck...
- The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay? Why is being in the military like a blow-job? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? Amazing Jokes for Adults We have some cool puns to add to your collection: How is life like a penis? Your girlfriend makes it hard. You can negotiate with a terrorist. An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. I know because they told me.
- You can drop them off anywhere. The difference between kinky and perverted is the difference between using a feather, and using the rest of the bird. Not by a long shot. Party Jokes for Adults Party time always gives us a reason to laugh. You can try being the life of the party with one of these: I love every bone in your body, especially mine. A dick in your mouth!
- All our riddles include answers and have been screened to ensure they are appropriate for children. Laugh out loud at these clever and silly riddles sent in by kids visiting our playhouse. Share them with your kids, students and friends. Did you know that riddles promote creative thinking in children? Why not memorize a few and share them at home, on the go or in the classroom. We know these riddles will make you laugh out loud! Mary's mum had three children. One was called April, the second was May. What was the name of the last one? What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger? I don't know but you better behave in its class! What 4 letters scare a thief? I see you. How do you stop a rhino from charging? Take away its credit card. What did the calendar say to the other calendar? Do sharks like to act in movies? Only if they get the big, juicy parts. What kind of animals do clocks have? Why is the ice rink so cold? There are a lot of fans there. Why don't skeletons fight?
50 Dirty Jokes That Are (Never Appropriate But) Always Funny
Because they don't have the guts! If you're on a plane and one of the engines breaks, how far will the other one take you? All the way to the scene of the crash. What do you call a football player whose helmet is too tight? Call him anthing you want, he can't hear you! How do you make a bandstand? You take away their chairs! What do you call a kangaroo that sneezes alot? A kanga-choo. There are 3 men on a boat. The boat tips over and only 2 men get their hair wet. How is that possible? One is bald. What did the firefly say to the other firefly? What did the dragon say after laying 50 eggs? If a very small fish married a young dog, what would their baby be called? A guppy puppy. How do you make a swordfish like the library? Take away the S in its name! Why did the chicken cross the road?- Because he was tired of living beside KFC! What is green, small and round and goes up and down? A pea in a lift. What do you call a deaf dinosaur? Anything you like, he can't hear you! What do you call a man in a bush? Why couldn't the eight year old get into the pirate movie? Why is the letter T like an island? Because it is in the middle of waTer. Why did Peter Pan always fly and never stop? Because he could never never land. What is the end of everything? The letter G. What did the crocodile say to the waiter in the cafe? Did you hear about the skeleton and his girlfriend? They broke up and he was shattered! What did the magazine say to the pencil? In what way can the letter A help a deaf lady? It can make her hear. What four letters frighten a thief? Where do dogs go when they lose their tail?
40 Dumb, Funny Jokes That You Can Laugh At And Tell To Your Friends
To the reTAIL store. What do you get when two skeletons dance in a biscuit tin? How do you catch a rabbit? Make a noise like a carrot. Which pillar is not used in a building? A caterpillar. What do you call a bell that can do gymnastics? A flexi-bell. What does a bird say on Halloween? Twick or tweet! It's not right. What fish will a greedy fisher catch?- Imagine you are in a room with no windows or doors. How will you get out? Stop imagining! Why does Waldo wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted! What letter is looking for causes? What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. No eye deer Q. Who in the solar system has the most loose change? The moon, it keeps changing quarters. How do you spell mousetrap with ONLY three letters? What dog keeps the best time? A watch-dog. Why was the math book unhappy? Because he had too many problems! What do they serve for lunch at karate camp? Kung Food! What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
- A pouch potato. I have four wings but I never fly, I never laugh and never cry. On the same spot I'm always found, toiling away with a squeaking sound. I turn but my body doesn't move. What am I?
- Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean funny humorous dad jokes. There are also funny puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating? He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs! What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant 2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up 3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted 4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality 5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
- Me neither 6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better 8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space 9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer Anyone got any more? The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it? The second guys says, "that's funny, me too! All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old.
The 61 Best Jokes For Kids (That'll Only Make You Groan A Little)
Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God! So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era. Funny how she died John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?55 Hilarious "What Do You Call" Jokes You'll Want To Tell Again And Again
John laughs and continues with his drink. John responds, -Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring Because they are hill areas. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains: "Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer. Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through. I heard this joke in a pub in central Australia and found it way to funny. Walks up to the Pearly Gates. God says, "I will let you in if you can make me laugh. He made over 60, Jews toast. That is not really funny. The dad notices his son standing there so he just winks and keeps on going. The next day the dad walks by his sons room and sees his son plowing into grandma. The kids turns to his dad and says " not so funny when it's your mom is it?- It's funny for me though because I live in Canada. Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over in this notebook. You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice! It's not the end of the world. Whenever you go out for work, your sister comes and blows him right back up. I being introverted, hadn't talked with anyone and was watching movie by myself. When the movie ended, everyone was debating on what to watch next. I decided to put on the movie I had brought from home. It was pretty funny and had Jim Carrey in it.
- Everyone really like it. People started talking to me and thanking me for the movie. No one cared who I was until I put on The Mask. It's just like licking an ashtray. You understand it better, but it dies in the process. See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel and so is E. White to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
- We have one of the best collections of jokes that will surely get your child's attention. Mainly because, they are small and kids easily understand them. Go ahead and riddle yourself silly with this collection of confusing puzzles. These corny jokes , riddles and hilarious one-liners are guaranteed to have you or your kids in splits. Kids love information presented in a funny way as they easily remember them. Answer: It is what you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Answer: He did not have any guts. How are baseball players always in contact with one another? Answer: They must touch base often. Which baseball player holds water? Answer: The pitcher. How do snowmen get around? Answer: On their icicles. When is a boat like a pile of snow? Answer: When it is adrift. What kind of songs do lions sing at Christmas time?
- Answer: Jungle bells [not jingle bells]! A word consists of six letters. If you take away the last, only twelve remain. What is the word? Answer: Y? Which coat is always wet when you put it on? Answer: Obviously, a coat of paint. What do you call an old snowman? Answer: Water. What do you call rabbits that are hopping in reverse? Answer: Simple, it is called a receding hare-line [hairline]. Answer: Dead. What did the rug say to the floor? Answer: Don't move, I have got you covered. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? Answer: It is time to go to sweep [sleep] What did Delaware [Dela wear]? Answer: Her New Jersey. Why was one magnet infatuated by the other magnet? Answer: Obviously, they were attracted.
- Which country makes you shiver? Answer: Chile. What kind of clothes does a house wear? Answer: Ad-dress. What can you hold without ever touching it? Answer: A conversation. What bird can lift the most? Answer: The crane. How does a pig go to hospital? Answer: Obviously, in a hambulance. How do you prevent a summer cold? Answer: Catch it in the winter! How do we make an egg laugh? Answer: Tell them a yolk [joke] How do you make a hot dog stand? Answer: Steal its chair. What do you call a dinosaur that wrecks everything? Answer: Tyrannosaurus wrecks [Rex] What do you call a dinosaur from Texas? Answer: Because it dampens their spirits. What kind of cats like to go bowling alley? Answer: Obviously, the alley cats. Which is the tallest building in Transylvania called? Answer: Naturally, the Vampire State Building. Why made the doughnut owner wind up its business? Answer: Mainly because, he got tired of the hole business [w-hole] Which subject did the witch top in school?
50 Funny Short Jokes That Guarantee A Laugh - Best Short Jokes
Answer: Spelling. What did one elevator say to the other? Answer: I believe I am coming down with something. Why are graveyards always noisy and full of sick people? Answer: He is much too wrapped up in himself. What is the nightclub for fortunetellers called? Answer: The crystal ball. Where did the farmer take the pigs on a Sunday morning? Answer: It was holiday, so he took them to a pignic [picnic] What is a presidential seal? Answer: It is a gray animal that eats fish, and lives in Washington, D. What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars? Answer: An in-car-nation. How can you tell vampires like baseball? Answer: Every night they turn into bats.31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They're Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC
What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air? Answer: A dead centipede. What kind of ties can't you wear? Answer: Railroad ties. What do you do when you find that there is a gorilla in your bed? Answer: Try to sleep elsewhere, without waking the gorilla. What is a tree's favorite drink? Answer: Root beer. What has many keys but is unable to pen any locks? Answer: A piano. When do frogs become toads? Answer: When frogs park illegally, they get toad [towed]. What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook? Answer: Wet feet. What do you get if you cross the Easter bunny with a bug? Answer: You get Bugs Bunny. Whom do you call when your chair cracks? Answer: Call the chairman. What do you call the best butter on the farm? Answer: A goat.- What do you call a song sung in an automobile? Answer: A cartoon [car tune] Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? Answer: She could not control her pupils. Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose? Answer: His powder puff is on the wrong end. For more such jokes, please visit our archives.
- Communications Enjoy a collection of our jokes and some funny riddles added to it, that is what we are poised to do, giving you lots of funny jokes that will cause you to laugh away your sorrows and brighten your day. Kids Jokes And Riddles 1. What did the tree say to the light bulb? Just had a bright idea! What does the Invisible Man drink at snack time? Evaporated milk. Why was Dracula put in jail? He tried to rob a blood bank. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9! What kind of place should you never take a dog?
- To the Flea Market. What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake! What is black and white and read all over? A newspaper. Where do cows stay when they go on vacation? Why did the millionaire refuse to move to Alaska? What does a frog eat with his hamburger? French Flies! What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and cuts grass? A lawn MEOW-er! Which country is the slipperiest? Why did the pencil cross the road first? He was the LEADer! There was a green house. Inside the green house there was a white house. Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were lots of babies.
Riddles And Brain Teasers For Kids | Top List On Web | Read-Aloud
What is it? A watermelon! What did the toilet say when he was playing cards? If you say it you break it. What does an orange do when it takes a test? It concentrates! What am I? A shadow! The captain was sitting on the deck! What should you do when you see a green alien? Why did the duck cross the road? Because it thought it was a chicken. Why did the turkey cross the road? Because Thanksgiving was right around the corner. Why did the baker go to jail? Because he got caught beating the eggs. Why did the crab cross the road? To get to the other the tide. I have 7 children half of them are boys, what is the other half? They were all boys. Where do pirates like to eat? What kind of flower lives between your mouth and your chin? Because their feet stink. What do you get if you cross a cow and a duck? A creamy quacker! Slow swimmers. What has 6 eyes but cannot see? Three blind mice. Why do Sharks only swim salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze! Who does Frankenstein invite to his party?Fun Numbers Jokes! | Explore | Awesome Activities & Fun Facts | CBC Kids
Anyone he can gobble up! What has a forest with no trees, lakes without water, roads with no cars and deserts with no sand? A map! What do ghosts wear on their feet? What fish can help you build a house? A hammerhead shark. Because they just might quack up. What did the cannibal say after he ate a clown? In what way can the letter A help a deaf lady? It can make her hear. Good Jokes And Riddles What travels around the world but stays in one spot? A stamp! What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment and never in one thousand years? The letter M Mississippi A Secret. Take away my first letter, and I still sound the same. Take away my last letter, I still sound the same. Even take away my letter in the middle, I will still sound the same. I am a five letter word. EMPTY What has hands but can not clap? A clock What can you catch but not throw? A cold. A house has 4 walls. All of the walls are facing south, and a bear is circling the house.- What color is the bear? The house is on the north pole, so the bear is white. What is at the end of a rainbow? The letter W! His breath! You draw a line. Without touching it, how do you make the line longer? You draw a shorter line next to it, and it becomes the longer line. What has one eye but cannot see? A needle A man leaves home and turns left three times, only to return home facing two men wearing masks.
- What did the microwave say to the other microwave? Is it just me? Or is it really hot in here? Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake! When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look? Because when you find it, you stop looking. What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on vacation. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other? Dill with it. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch? That hit the spot! Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide. How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 detour. You rocket! Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9 When the punchline is a parent.
- How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall. What did the limestone say to the geologist? A wise quacker. Why does a seagull fly over the sea? Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull. What kind of water cannot freeze? Hot water. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree! Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy. Why was the baby strawberry crying?
- Because her parents were in a jam. What did the little corn say to the mama corn? Where is pop corn? What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis! How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced? About a buck an ear. Where would you find an elephant? The same place you lost her! How do you talk to a giant? Use big words! What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat.
- What falls in winter but never gets hurt? His ghoul-friend. What building in New York has the most stories? The public library! What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you! How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves! How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut! What do you call two birds in love? How does a scientist freshen her breath?
- With experi-mints! How are false teeth like stars? They come out at night! How can you tell a vampire has a cold? She starts coffin. Finding half a worm. What is a computer's favorite snack? Computer chips!! They do, just not in public. What was the first animal in space? The cow that jumped over the moon What did the banana say to the dog? What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get a new clock. How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience. A stick. What do you think of that new diner on the moon? Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because she will let it go. How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles! How do you make a tissue dance?
- Guaranteed To Make you Laugh! Browse and share these funny jokes on Social Media. A: A stick. Q: What do you call a clairvoyant midget who just broke out of prison? A: A small medium at large. A: You can hide your own easter eggs. A: About 3 inches Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive. Q: Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
31 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb, They’re Actually Funny! #17 Is EPIC
A: Because most men are stupid but few are blind. Q: What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates? A: A mobile sperm bank. Q: How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome? A: Pull down its genes. Q: What do breasts and martinis have in common? A: One is not enough and three are too many.- How do we know that Saturn was married more than once? Because she has a lot of rings! How did the astronaut serve dinner in outer space? On flying saucers! How do you stop an astronaut's baby from crying? You Rocket! Where do astronauts leave their spaceships? At parking meteors What do you call a fish without an eye? When should you buy a bird? Why does a sea gull fly over the sea? If it flew over the bay it would be a baygul! What do you call a deer with no eyes? No I deer! Why did the dinosaur cross the road? What was the first animal to go into space? The cow that jumped over the moon! What is the snake's favorite subject? Hiss-story Why was the ant so confused? A walky talkie! What do you call a fly in your butter? Why did Mickey Mouse go to space? To see Pluto! Why don't aliens eat clowns?
- Because they taste funny! The space bar! What do astronauts like to read? Comet books! What does a skeleton say before he eats? BONE appetite! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it! What did the baby corn ask the mother corn? Where is pop corn? What runs faster, cold or hot? Hot, because you can catch a cold! What do you call a pig who knows karate? What has a bed that you can't sleep in? A river! What did one leaf say to another? Leaf me alone! How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?
- What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? Why did the germ cross the microscope? To get to the other slide! How do Scientists freshen their breath? With Experi-Mints! What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Indian Ocean? What do computers like to eat? What can run, but cannot walk? Why did the scientist take out his doorbell? He wanted to win the no-bell prize! Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? Because he had no BODY to go with! Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
- If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you? What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells. My grandfather died peacefully in his sleep, unlike the screaming passengers in his car. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. How did the blonde die ice fishing? She was hit by the zamboni. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? Insect puns bug me. It sucks. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. What do you call sad coffee? Why did banana go to doctor? What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean jokes. What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? Put it on my bill. It gets toad away. What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? The telephone. Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
- He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut in his face. The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says chew chew chew. Professional courtesy. A judge. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing. Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died? He was looking for loopholes. What do your boss and a slinky have in common? How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit. An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes. Brown had two sons.
- One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have? Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?
- Are you kidding? They have just lost their bull. If I can, I will send you a telegram. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
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